RO-SHAM-BO!

Let The Drama Begin...

2010-04-15T06:54:00.003+08:00

15 April 2010...
Date that RP chose to start school while all the other polys starts next week.

I'm up at 4 in the morning.
Wide awake.
And school only start at 12.
So...
With eyes wide open.
Thoughts lingers through my mind.
And like always.
You were the only one that I could/chose to think about.

This has got to stop.
To see you happy with him.
Would only kill me more.
I swear I'm trying.
But I promised I would never.
So...
Should I go back on my words?
I ask you.

Insecurities

2010-04-12T01:22:00.004+08:00

What I want...
And what I DON'T want.

Everyone wants to love...
And to be loved...

I'm almost like everyone...
But I'm not.
I think.

In my eyes...
At 18...
I'm not like everyone else.
That's the part of me I don't understand.

At 18...
A typical boy/man would go out partying, clubbing, drinking, smoking etc...
As soon as they turn legal...
Some earlier...

In my eyes...
I can't find a good enough reason to do this things.
I find no fun in it.
I do not know why.

I blame my parents for this.
Their teachings/lectures/scoldings/advices.

This plus life lessons...
Brings me to this...

What Can I Ever Offer To Whoever You Are?

These 9 words constantly haunts me.
And after I met you...
The haunting became worst.

I don't know what can i offer.
Because...
Like you said...
There will always be someone better.

Someone better...

Decision Made

2010-03-19T21:37:00.002+08:00

Yes.
I will fight for this.

Say what they may.
I'll still stand for this.

I don't care anymore.
I've got nothing else to lose.

I will run this race.
Until you decide to choose.

Yes...

You...

Even more now...

Power

2009-12-31T02:18:00.005+08:00

The power of "LOVE"
Makes one do crazy things.
Stupid things too.
But how stupid can you be?
Seriously...

Sometimes...
To think that girls mature faster than guys.

FUCK THAT!

If you are mature, you should know what's best.
And to give in to those sweet words...

HAHAHAHAHA ^^_|_

(do not feel offended unless you are one of them)

Till then...

If Not Now, Then When?

2009-12-24T02:29:00.004+08:00

Sorry for the lack of update.
Trying to gather myself lately.
Things happen.

Dear ______,
How long more should I wait?
The end of 2009 is near.
Another year gone.
How long more?
Its hard enough to go on when there are others.
I do not know what to do anymore.
Should I wait?
Should I go?
Enough with the games.
Or there was no one playing in the first place.

All I ask is a reason to hold on.

Love,
Syukri

Till then...

No One's Got It All

2009-11-24T20:02:00.006+08:00

I'm the hero of the story
Don't need to be saved

Till then...

Hero or Villain?

2009-11-17T00:13:00.004+08:00

First and foremost,
I do not update that much because I do not know what to write.
And I do not really like to blog about what happens to me but rather what is in my mind.
AND THIS IS NOT AN EMO BLOG FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
Continuing...

Hero or Villain?
Which side would you choose?
Hero would be for obvious reasons
But Villains are not as bad as you think they are.

You love someone... A lot for that matter.
She may not know how you feel.
And she continues living her life with people you envy.
So which side would you choose?
Hero or Villain?
Be the Hero and endure through all the pain and let it be?
Or be the Villain who stops her from hurting you in ways she may not know?

You love someone... A lot for that matter
She may not know how you feel.
She is undergoing a stress session with life.
Yet people who claims to care for her is making it worst.
But still they get the upper hand.
So which side will you choose?
Hero or Villain?
Be the Hero and preventing a greater pain that has already been done to her?
Or be the Villain and try to add more misery because it seems this would make the relationship better?

Whichever side you choose?
It is all up to you.

I shall and always be on the side of the heroes.
Yes, it may sucked to always get the shorter end of the stick despite doing what is best for her.
Trying to prevent the miseries,disappointment, the hatred...
Yet she may not even know you are there.
What I know is that...
Heroes do the right thing.

Who are you?

Till then...

Careful

2009-10-31T00:49:00.002+08:00

I was awoken by a call one night.
A call for help.
But it didn't not last long.
I called back to ask.
Yet no answer.
Then a voice of anger shouts at me for not helping.
Then I was awaken again.

I never felt so scared after that.
Worried at the same time.
from 3.30am to 12.30 am the next night.
I stayed awake.
Thinking that something bad has happened.
I text-ed.
But to no avail.
The reply was late.
But it was good enough.
To know you're okay and doing fine.
I thank Allah for that.

Now...
I do not know how to feel anymore. I think.
Understanding the situation.
Knowing that hope is slowly diminishing.
But I will still stand in vain.
At least until promises are fulfilled.

Till then...

Easy?

2009-10-18T01:00:00.003+08:00

If it was that easy,
Would you be where you are?
Would you be who you are?

If it was that easy,
Would you see unhappiness?
Would you seek happiness?

If it was that easy,
Would you still cry?
Would you still try?

If it was that easy,
Would you run away?
Would you rather stay?

If it was that easy,
Would you have met me?
Would you be with me?

All I know is that if it were to be that easy...
...
...
I would still choose you.

Shorter End Of The Stick

2009-10-10T01:06:00.003+08:00

Here I am... again
Should I be sad since I knew that this was already a certainty.
I still played that game no matter how much I was warned.
Yet I did not regret it one bit.

No matter how many times the heart gets stabbed, thorn, broken...
No matter how you have gotten used to it...
Disappointment, Sadness, Darkness...
Still inevitable.

I am sorry for everything.
To you and to him.

Happiness...
While she maybe mine, I was not hers.

The Corridor

2009-10-06T10:13:00.002+08:00

You wander around aimlessly.
To find a path that is right for you.
Yet there is always a problem deciding which one is right.
If you're lucky enough,
The right one appears before you.
Then comes the corridor.
A corridor filled with thorns of all shapes and sizes.
Among the thorns appears flowers every once in a while.
A flower that gives you a short moment of happiness.
You chose to go through that corridor.
Seduced by the happiness of the flower no matter how momentarily.
Trying your luck.
The flower blinded you of the thorns no matter how obvious it is.
Still... You go on.
At the end of a corridor lies a door.
A door which some may refer as the door to happiness.
As you go on to pursue that door.
You get hurt by the thorns- directly and indirectly.
But if you know that is what you truly want.
You ignore the hurt and find the strength to bare through it.
However...
That corridor has lengths of the unknown- short or long.
And the door...
locked or unlocked...

Visions

2009-09-28T02:06:00.004+08:00

Late night sleeps have got me thinking lately.

First Thing: MONEY

I read someone's blog about buying a motorcycle.
That made me hesitate on using this year's raya money.
I got quite a sum and there are things that I wanna buy but not necessary i think.
I thought of the motorcycle and after that about someone.
Then suddenly the thought of marriage came to mind.
I know its a bit too early to be thinking about these things.

HOW MUCH DO I NEED EXACTLY?

So many things, so little resources.

Second Thing: LUCK

Different people are born with different kinds of luck.
But every guy wished to be lucky with one thing. Girls.
Some people are very lucky to be born with good looking features which gives them an instant luck with the girls.
Some are lucky enough to not need that luck.
Others are just not lucky enough.
For myself, I think that I am lucky to have the ability to talk easily with girls but not lucky enough to find a girl for myself.
People who knows me may wonder why this is so.
I, myself, do not know why.

HOW LUCKY AM I EXACTLY?

Third thing: GIRLS

My relationship with girls, for the matter.
17 years being single and I do not know why. Unlucky?
Am I to live a virgin forever?
Haiqal and I used to curse and swear at guys who we think look not as handsome as our handsome standard and have girlfriends who looks way out of their league. Money?

WHO'S THAT GIRL EXACTLY?

Last thing: Myself.

Where do I see myself in 5 years time?
Where do I see myself in 10 years time?
etc...
etc...

Live for the past,
Live for the moment or
Live for the future.

WHO AM I EXACTLY?

Tomorrow's another day.

Till then... patients...

All For Nothing.

2009-09-26T06:22:00.002+08:00

3.5
That's what I got for my GPA for 1st sem.
Impress much?
Not my mum.

She was like "Is that a good thing?"
Apparently, she thinks that my GPA is 3.5/10.
That is coming from someone who always nags at me about my studies.

This is another reason why I do not get my parents.
They always so called "care" about my studies but in fact they are just asking for the sake of it.

Dunno how long ago...
Dad: I do not mind if you do not clean up your room or do the chores just as long as you study
Now...
Dad: Why won't you listen to me when I tell you to clean you room.
(so now they do not care about my studies anymore?)

They do not know how hard is it to get that 3.5.
They think that I have been slacking off at school cause I am always on the computer playing games.

Bottomline...
I do not think they even care what I am going through with life.
May not be true but that is how I feel right now.

To them...
Muhammad Syukri Bin Rosman.
Is a LAZY SELFISH LOWLIFE AND USELESS SON.
cause I am never good enough for them.
Even this 3.5 is not even close to not bad for them.

So Now How?

Till then...

The Aussie Girl

2009-09-24T00:38:00.002+08:00

This is one of my best-est friend in the whole world.
(Said, Khabir and Haiqal you guys are on par with her do not worry.)

Her name is Andreyana and we known each other since we were in primary 3!
Yeah 8 years.
I used to have a crush on her in primary 4 but that did not turn well:/
Anyways, she was suppose to be RP with me this year but she just had to go to Australia to study.

She came back for raya last week and we had breakfast together earlier today to catch up.
AND OMG I AM JUST SOOOOOOOO HAPPY TO SEE HER!!!
She is still the same since she left. Always teasing me. Laughing at me for no reason.
I am happy that Australia did not change her. I think. HAHAHAHAHA
We chatted till I had to go off for training and she had to go packed her stuff and all cos she's leaving for Australia for today.

I bet shes safely in Australia now.
And till November.
Can I get to see her again.

Till then...

Not So Raya For Me

2009-09-22T00:10:00.002+08:00

She put everyone else above me.
So that is how she thinks of me.
Disappointed I am not.
Forgiven you shall not be.

You told me to do something about her.
Something indifferent.
Now tell me how am i suppose to?

I do not care anymore.
She shall be nothing to me.
And that is final.

Moving on...

Memories of my late uncle flashed pass me when everyone else was at high for raya. Tears almost rolled to think that he would have been here with me like he was. How much I have missed him like how my dad was too. I went through past pictures which reminded me of the fun times I had with him. Especially raya.

Apologies come and go.
Yet nothing was never learn.
So whats the point I ask?

Till then... BITCH!

That Five Letter Word

2009-09-16T23:53:00.006+08:00

Dear Bella,

Today I did something that I wished I would never do in a million years.
Your tears broke my heart and I did not meant for that to happen.
No words could express how sorry I am about it.

"I'm sorry. I truly am."

Edward.

P.S. You are my life now

If Tomorrow Never Comes

2009-09-16T01:24:00.004+08:00

If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart.

They Make Then Break

2009-09-15T00:29:00.004+08:00

I do not understand my parents.
Then again... Who does?
I read somebody's blog and she was telling how much she is lucky to have her parents and she owes them a lot.
Well yeah... No doubt we owe them a lot.

But sometimes I do not feel that way.

I know that they have gone through a lot for what we are now.
Money, Love and etc etc.
Yes I am grateful for those.
Yet there is something that I still long for.

FREEDOM & TRUST.

Reason:
They think I am always up to no good. I do not know why. I never did anything bad before to the society yet they stereotype me to be one of those MATS.

Example:
Rock-climbing training. I am always coming home late mainly because of this. and this is TRAINING. I repeat. TRAINING. While I am at school training my ass off so that I could be stronger SO THAT NS WOULD NOT BE MUCH OF A PROBLEM but my parents think I purposely coming home late and using training as a reason for me to do stupid things. Well yeah I PURPOSELY come home late but not because for the fun of it but to become stronger!

I think that my parents are afraid.
They are afraid to let me go because they think I will never come back.
Yeah that is it.

They are afraid.

Parents wants us to be successful so that when we are they can also share that success.
In other words.
They want things for themselves.
Like it or not.
They are humans after all.
And like every human, they always expect something in return even when they say they do not.

Well that is just my view of this.

Moving on... Raya is coming this Sunday.
but I do not look forward for it.
Why you may ask.
Raya is the time where you seek for forgiveness to those who you have done sinful things to.
I think its kinda stupid after 16 years going through it.
Because you seek forgiveness during this time but then do all those sinful things over again after that. SO WHAT FOR?

Don't get me wrong. I will still do it.
I just do not know how this Sunday will turn out.

Till then...

Found You But Have You Found Me?

2009-09-10T23:32:00.005+08:00

Life is funny...
People around me asks me of my EXs but laughed when I told them I had none.
I do not know why...
Somebody told me its because of who and how I am around girls.
To Girls...
I am friendly.
To Guys...
I am a flirt.
That is just how the world thinks of me right now.

Ok my reason to why I am single all my life is simple.
I have not found the right one.
Even when I think I have, there would always be something that is preventing me getting to her.

Oh well...

I make this promise to myself that I am going to stay single until I meet someone who I am going to marry.
This way, that girl would have all the love I would have to give.
That is why I do not understand why people can have so many EXs.
They break up after they tell them I LOVE YOU and then go to another and say the same thing.
So who do you truly love?

Right now...
I do not know to listen to which.
My Heart or My Brain.
Heart says "Syukri, she is the one. Go for it!"
Brain says "Syukri. what are the odds that she might choose you among all the other guys?" in other words NO.
There is another part of the body that guys uses to think to know how much they want that girl.
Catch my drift???
BUT THAT IS A STORY FOR NEXT TIME

All I know is that if you love her you have to let her go right?
TELL THAT TO THE OTHER GUYS! ITS MY TURN! THEY CAN HAVE THAT FEELING OF LOVE SO MANY TIMES BEFORE! SO WHEN IS IT MY TURN?!

Till then...

09-09-09

2009-09-09T06:03:00.001+08:00

Vassup Peeps~

Syukri here...
Finally I will start blogging again since the last time which was 2 years ago.
And why today is because its 09-09-09. COOL OR WHAT~!

Okay for those who for don't-know-how long have not meet/talk to me
HERE'S AN UPDATE.

Currently...
17
Still single
First Year In RP(Diploma In Interactive And Digital Media)
In Climb.republic (RP's Rock-Climbing Team)

Okay so now I'm going through Poly-Life.
This means coming home at 11pm is nothing anymore. HAH!
Seriously...
School so far has been great.
Just finished 1st sem and so many things happened already.
Met so many awesome people.
Made so many great friends.
Became stronger and smarter. (I think?)
And maybe I've finally found her. *kening naik2*

Till then...